Your Questions About Holidays For One Parent Families

Lizzie asks…

Do you think that men should have to pay more tax than women and get less holidays?

After all, with the uprising of single parent families, women have to support their children on one income and need more holidays for child rearing purposes.

Yaz answers:

Noone should have to pay for someone else’s life choices, that includes pets, fast cars, drug use smoking, drinking AND babies. Noone forced the female to have the baby, just as noone forces another to Smoke or drink If she was to too drunk, too foolish, too immature, or too irresponsible, that’s her problem, and the problem of the progenitors who raised, or rather didn’t raise them to have some self-respect and a sense of decorum. Let them pay. Responsible taxpayers have had enough of whining, so-called feminists who think they have a God-given right to leech off the taxpayers.
Besides, there’s no shortage of homo sapiens, We don’t need any more, especially offspring of women who can’t even remember how they got pregnant.

Mandy asks…

How couples should divide up the holidays?

My husband and I are starting to talk about the upcoming holidays and where we will spend them. I have a large family with the majority of them in our hometown and my husband’s family is small and also in town. Growing up, my holidays were divided between my parents families where my respective grandparents hosted the parties full of cousins and aunts and all. Lunch with one family, dinner with the other for christmas and thanksgiving. The families arranged the schedules so I could go to be part of both. I love going to these. I also go to my stepparents christmas, but that is usually a week before xmas because it is in another town. This year, like last year, my mom will be joining my stepdads parents for their thanksgiving where we will all go on vacation. I did this last year and it was nice to get to be with my step grandparents because I am close with them and see them much less than my in town grandparents. So…my husband and I agreed to go again this year a few months ago. He just found out his brother is coming into town for thanksgiving and now is hesitant about leaving. I think we can see his brother and go out of town, but obviously we can’t have thanksgiving in both places. So one issue is thanksgiving.

The other is Christmas. Until last year, he has only ever celebrated xmas with his parents and brother. He’d never even gone to his other girlfriend’s houses, even ones he dated for years. So last year we bounced around, like i always do, between my parent‘s houses, his parent‘s, and my grandparents houses. I thought it was fun, but he told me it was too much for him. I would like to just do that again, but I want to help him out too. I am the only child and I would feel really bad leaving my parents alone during the holidays. To top it off, while things are getting better, his parents are not nearly as fun as my parents. In fact, his mom is down right rude. So I will go, but I can’t get excited about giving up my family time to be only with his. I know some couples alternate, but i just can’t imagine. I figure when we have kids we can have everyone over here to our house, but for now I think relations between my divorced families aren’t totally there quite yet. It is possible though…

Does anyone have creative solutions for celebrating the holidays when all your in-laws are in the same town?

Yaz answers:

I can probably shed some light on this. I had an X who insisted on spending Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve Day at his relatives. Mine always had to wait or use another day and/or time if they wanted us there. My relatives were very flexible and never complained. I’ll tell you right now that inside, I was becoming angry, even though I didn’t actually realize it for years. I didn’t miss every other Thanksgiving with my folks. I missed every Thanksgiving with my folks.
You need to pay attention to each other FIRST. All other relatives, including parents are not as important anymore. Do what you can. Alternate, even if it’s hard for you to do. While you don’t enjoy his parents, he does, even if he doesn’t know it right now. As much as you love your parents, he loves his. Don’t create pent up anger by pretending it is otherwise.
Coming to an agreement and compromise is the biggest part of showing each other that you care. It’s not so much whose parent is the nicest or best. It’s a matter of respecting each other and being willing to share your time. Being together is more important than who else you are with. The older you get, the less time you will have for your parents and siblings. Spend time with them now as well.
My kids are now at the age where they have the boyfriends and girlfriends and their father. They always have to choose where they will go. I put no pressure on them. Sometimes they are with me on Thanksgiving or Christmas and sometimes they spend it elsewhere and come to see me on an alternate day.
I’m always grateful to see them at all. I thank God every day for a healthy family. I am glad to see them no matter what day of the year it is. Many people put far too much emphasis on “Thanksgiving Day” when there’s usually a four day weekend. Turkey cooks on Friday as easily as on Thursday. The oven won’t refuse to cook just because it’s not Thursday. If I get them on another day, I just treat it as important as though it were the original official day.
If you have relatives that are pressuring you to see them at certain times, they are being selfish. You have a lot of people to divide your time between. If they can’t respect that, there is a problem. Be grateful you have so many loved ones. But they need to respect you by allowing you to come and go as you can.
Always sit down with a calendar and discuss this with your significant other. Always plan it together. Always plan time with just the two of you also. Respect most the person you live with every day.

Mary asks…

Should I be sad that no one wished me a Merry Chirstmas this year?

My parents/family did and I love them but no one online or no calls or text messages like my friends use to. I had a decent Christmas and was happy to spend it with the family. I thank all of you for wishing me a good one and I hope everyone got what they wanted, well the ones who deserve it. Thanks and happy holidays. God Bless.

Yaz answers:

Not really it just matters that u spend a good christmas and I wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Linda asks…

Newly married…what to do at the holidays?

I just got married about two months ago and we have this argument OVER and OVER and never seem to come to a good compromise and it’s really starting to cause a strain on our relationship.

I am only child who is very close to my parents and am very family oriented, and now that I’m married and live away, and my grandma just passed away, my parents have no one else to spend the holidays with.

My husband wants to start our own family holiday traditions. It’s just the two of us (no kids or pets). So he wants to stay up here and not spend the holidays with either of our families.

His parents have other kids and other family to spend the holidays with. Mine don’t. It just breaks me heart to think about my parents being alone for the holidays, and I’m afraid they might take offense to us not spending the holidays with them.

My husband thinks that because I want to spend the holidays with family (his and/or mine) that I’m not happy being with JUST him. I honestly don’t know what to do and can come up with no good situations where everyone is happy. I feel like I’m either going to disappoint my parents or my husband, and I really want to make both of them happy.

Is this possible? Any suggestions or people who have been in this situation??? Thanks so much…
Also, right now we live 6 hours away from my parents (and his). My hubby is in the Air Force and eventually we may be moved, and will definitely be farther away than closer. We’re as close to our families now as we can get.

Yaz answers:

Well why can’t the new holiday tradition be that your parents come to your town to visit?

Or why don’t you two divide up the holidays? For instance, spend Thanksgiving at home, spend Christmas with your parents. Alternate every year.

This shouldn’t be a MAJOR problem in a marriage. There are plenty of holidays to go around.

Thomas asks…

How do I politely point out that my in-laws are neglecting the family for the holidays?

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, and I love my in laws dearly, and my husband feels the same about my parents. However, since my sister-in-law started dating a new guy last year who has parents who like to spend all their free-time drinking and partying, my in-laws have become very attached to the boyfriend’s parents for whatever reason and have picked up a lot of their habits, such as a get together is not a get together unless there is free flowing alcohol from every corner. Last year, which would have been me and my husband’s first Christmas together with the family, they opted to go to their daughter’s boyfriend’s place to hang out with his parents. I wouldn’t mind if it was just one day of the holiday, but they are spending Christmas eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s eve, and New Years day with them. My parents have tried to have them over, and they were no shows each time because they wanted to go to the boyfriend’s parents house or they were hungover. I brought up the possibility of spending one day of the holiday with my family together with my in-laws, and immeadiately, they wanted their daughter’s boyfriend’s family to be invited, then said “well, I guess your parents can come too.” My in-laws also are opting out of seeing their parents and family members too in favour of the boyfriend’s family. I’ve gotten really frustrated with the situation, they even missed me and my husband’s first anniversary together to hang out with the boyfriend’s parents. The boyfriend’s parents, whom I have personally known for 17 years (sister-in-law met them and their son at our wedding), are nice enough and politely invite us along to come have christmas with them so we won’t all have to be apart, but it’s clear, when we go there, that we are not wanted. we tried the opposite way, where the in laws invite boyfriend’s family and my family to their house, and the vulgar talking that goes on when they all drink makes my parents really uncomfortable, as well as myself, as often people in the room are the subject of the drunken comments. Last christmas and New Years, i didn’t see my in-laws at all, and I was very disappointed that they didn’t want to be around my family, even though they get along with my family well. This year is no exception, and when I mentioned having a get together at my house with just the families, they got on the phone with the boyfriend’s family and invited them over. I want to tell them that I just wanted it to be family, but when I brought it up, they said that the boyfriend and boyfriend’s family are family to them, and should be to me. I’ve just given up, and decided not to bother seeing my in-laws for the holidays again. we all live in the same town within ten minutes of each other, so distance isn’t an issue. Unfortunately not seeing my in-laws is really unfair to my husband who feel the same about the boyfriends family. what can I do to create a “just actual family” get together without causing a problem? I don’t mind if sister-in-law and boyfriend don’t want to come. Also I want to note this happened at Thanksgiving and Easter dinner as well.
The funny thing is, I do fit in with my in laws and they did fit in with my parents, but they change when they are with the boyfriend’s parents…I can’t just leave it because they are family, I just want to figure out how to speak to them about having a family-only gathering or point out that they’ve traded off friends for family two years in a row.

Yaz answers:

Well this whole “parents getting uncomfortable” thing isn’t going to work out, people just want to be who they are, and they will know if you don’t like it. Personally I’d just leave it, they obviously don’t fit in well with you, so there is nothing you can do.

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